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Young Writers Society


Sometimes



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374 Reviews


Gender: Female
Points: 1147
Reviews: 374
Fri Jan 27, 2012 10:53 pm
tgirly says...



He doesn’t know
How his eyes make my heart
Ache.
He doesn’t get
That his smile
Is like the sun.

She’ll never understand
How her blush drives me
Crazy.
She’ll never guess
How I wait
And watch her walk by.

Will he ever find out
I’m in love with him?

Will she ever realize
I can’t stop thinking about her?

Love is so confusing
Sometimes.
When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel
  





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Points: 1028
Reviews: 20
Sat Jan 28, 2012 1:44 pm
AmiiLightwood says...



This is so cute :D
And true.

Well, I like this because it's simple, uncomplicated and straight down the line. It's easy to understand and practically impossible to misinterpret.

The lack of structure is different, but I wouldn't call it bad. I find it refreshing.

He doesn’t know
How his eyes make my heart
Ache.
He doesn’t get
That his smile
Is like the sun.


This is sweet :)
One thing i would do, though, is put 'Ache' on the previous line. It would flow better :D
Same as with 'crazy' being on a line of its own. I'd put that back, too.

All in all, great work on a sweet piece of poetry!
Two thumbs up!
'You've gotta sing sometimes, like you don't need the money,
Love sometimes, like you'll never get hurt,
You've got to dance, dance, dance, like there's nobody watching,
It's gotta come from the heart if you want it to work.'
Adam Brand, Come From The Heart
  








This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much all of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of small green pieces of paper, which was odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
— Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy