You walk among the trees
Where the sunlight filters through,
Your gaze swift, eyes alight with wonder
As they ever seem to be;
A song runs through your very being
Like a river flowing through the woods,
Splashing,
Bubbling,
Glistening,
A pure, unblemished stream,
And the way your eyes shine
Makes me think
The inside of your mind must be like starlight,
For hope undaunted lives within you
Like a tree whose leaves are always green.
I loveeee this! I hope you don't mind me leaving a quick review!
I absolutely see deep admiration in this writing. Your descriptive words elicit feelings of purity, youth, and authenticity. For example:
"The inside of your mind must be like starlight,
For hope undaunted lives within you"
I love this part and the comparison of one's mind to the beauty and clarity of starlight.
Keep it up!!
Hello Hello I Hope you dont mind me popping in a quick review. Overall I find this a sweet little poem that gives a fairytale feel. Sadly I can not guess the character I wonder who it is ( I am sorry if it is super obvious) I am sorry if this is a bit of a shorter review I can't find much to give feedback on.
The only thing I would change is a few words in two lines. starting with this one "As they ever seem to be;" For some reason, the ever doesn't really fit the rhyme however I can't find an exact replacement. Maybe play around with some form of eternally.
For the second line, I feel it could be a quick swap out to help strengthen the effect. " And the way your eyes shine." I would change it to "And the way your eyes gleam."
I am sorry if the rhymes are bad it is not my strong suit. Keep writing and drink water!
120,411 Literary Works • 649,743 Reviews
Points: 13
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