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Cassie



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15 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 15
Mon Mar 26, 2007 12:59 am
Book_Worm_113 says...



I wrote this i don't know how long ago, but I decided to repost it, because i might actually try to turn this into something.. I realize it doesn't have much foundation and i rushed through it, but i just want to know what other people think of it...


Chapter one
I swear if she tells me to shut up one more time, I’m going to blow up! Cassie thought. “Now, as I was saying, matter I –“Her teacher, Mrs. Burns, started but Cassie had already turned around and was poking her best friend, Tasha.
“Cassie! Pay attention! If you disrupt class one more time I’m going to have to send you to the office!” Mrs. Burns angrily exclaimed.
“Yes Mrs. Burns.” Cassie said with no emotion.
“Now as I was saying matter -” Mrs. Burns paused looked at Cassie then said “That’s it Cassie! I have had it up to here with you!”
“But, I was just listening!” She exclaimed.
“I know you; something is up when you are just sitting there quietly, so go to the office!” Mrs. Burns almost screamed.
“Fine I’ll just tell them you sent me to the office for sitting here.” Cassie mumbled a little too loud.
“Go!” Mrs. Burns had lost it, big time.
Believe it or not, it was her first time going to the office in three years except for that incident in third grade but that has nothing to do with the story. When she got up there, the secretary looked a little surprised.
“I thought I heard yelling, Mrs. Burns lose it again?” The secretary, Ms. Loll, asked.
“Yea, all I was doing was sitting there and then she blew up!” Cassie exclaimed, still a little angry.
“Don’t feel bad it happens all the time, and if you pay attention in class you’ll actually find she has a lot to say” Ms. Loll said somewhat annoyingly.
“Yeah, Yeah I know. I brought my homework should I sit at the desk over there until lunch?” Cassie asked.
“Yes dear.” Ms. Loll said absent mindedly.
After about a half an hour, it was lunch and Cassie practically ran out of the office, hurrying to her class. Cassie put her stuff away and walked to the lunch line.
“Number, please.” The lunch lady who Cassie could care less what her name is.
“13324.” Cassie replied. Then walked over got some food and sat next to Tasha. “Cassie! Guess what? Oh my! You’ll never believe this!” Tasha almost squealed. Cassie didn’t really care, because it obviously had to be something about a guy, and guys stick to Tasha like flypaper. “Um, what is it?” Cassie

said with out care at all. “Guess who wants to go out with you?” Tasha asked. Now this gave Cassie a little interest. “Who does?” Cassie said a little more interested. “Kyle! Kyle does, he even admitted it!” Tasha pretty much screamed. Cassie had a crush on Kyle since fifth grade; it’s what she gets for going to a K-8th school. “Well if that prep wants to go out with me, he can ask me to my face.” Cassie said after a ten minute pause, and then the lunch bell rang. “See you in class!” Cassie said, hurriedly getting up so as not to get any giggly girl questions. Sometimes she doesn’t know why she gets along with Tasha. Tasha is blonde hair blue eyes super skinny and pretty and popular. Cassie is well medium brown hair that she always wears down and green eyes. Tasha loves being the center of attention, and Cassie likes to not be noticed, and when she is noticed it’s not for good reasons.
Going to her next class, she almost bumped into three different people it was so odd. Kyle was an eight grader which meant next year he is going to the high school. Cassie just got in seventh grade and is a complete and total mess. Maybe it doesn’t matter to him, or maybe he wants to pull one of those things from that movie where the popular guy takes the nerdy girl to the prom and she is prom queen and they pour cow blood on her. Then again, maybe not. Cassie doesn’t have mind power to kill them all. Even if she did, I highly doubt she would kill Kyle.
When Cassie got to her next class Mr. Reds was teaching and everybody likes him, especially Cassie, he is the only nice teacher in the school. Cassie took her seat which is right next to Kyle and on the other side of her is Dylan, Kyle’s best friend. Behind her is Gaga, who is extremely odd. Cassie was sitting there letting her mind wander when she saw everyone including the teacher was staring at her. He asked a question and she absent mindedly rose her hand up in the air.
“The answer please, Cassie.” Mr. Reds said expectantly.
“Um… green?” Cassie guessed.
“Correct, although I think you weren’t paying attention, I will give you the benefit of the doubt.” He said.
“What the hell is the benefit of the doubt?” Dylan whispered to Cassie, and she just rolled her eyes.




After that class was math which Cassie always slept through, but today her teacher, Mrs. Yates, said
“Cassie if you don’t sleep through class today, I’ll give you five dollars.”
“Sounds good to me” She replied a little excited.
So math class dragged on for Cassie, but she still wasn’t paying attention. Hey, no one said she couldn’t daydream! In about an hour math was over and that was the end of school.
Cassie got on the bus that took her home. Her house was pretty normal, except the thing she wanted more than anything was a horse. Her house had a ten acre field and a new barn but only a cow that doesn’t give off milk and her cat Kiki and her dog Frisher. Frisher is a black and white Dalmatian and Kiki is a black Persian.
When she got home, her mother said she had to talk to her about something.
“Cassie, sweetie, we are going to get you a horse for your birthday. The Stevens next door have a two and three fourths old horse that they will give to us, under one condition, since today was the last day of school Dylan’s parents are going out of town and he will stay with us for the summer”
“Wow mom that’s a lot to take in, in only one day.” She said happy but feeling a little weird that Dylan is staying.
“Honey, I know you don’t like him very much but he’s going to stay in the room next to yours, you know the one that we never could figure out what to do with?” Her mom said.
“Yeah, I know that one, so anyways what does the horse look like? Is it a girl or boy? Does it have a name? Can it be ridden?” She asked hurriedly.
“Well, it’s a girl she does not have a name and I don’t know what she looks like you’ll have to wait and see. Dylan is going to walk the horse over here at three and its two thirty now so go get into something other than your school clothes.” Her mom said. “Yes ma’am!” Cassie said with fake enthusiasm.
She ran up the stairs to her room. Great she thought a whole three months with that idiot Dylan, well he IS cute. She laughed out loud at the mere thought of ever dating him. After she had changed and was walking downstairs she heard hoof beats and some slight neighing. Oh great she thought just smile and wave, smile and wave and maybe we will get along….as if.



The front door opened and in came Dylan. He’s a lot cuter with out his school uniform which makes him look like a marshmallow. That thought made her giggle.
“What’s so funny?” Dylan asked.
“Nothing, marshmallow man.” She teased.
“Cassie! Be nice to him!” Her mother scolded.
“Yes ma’am.” Cassie said.
Dylan stated to walk outside and didn’t even ask her to go with him. Did I mention how rude he is? She thought. She ran outside and saw the horse. It was a dark roan with a light tan mane and tail.
“She’s so beautiful.” She exclaimed.
Dylan, just now realizing she was there, said “I know.”
“I never knew you liked horses.” She said trying to make conversation.
“Not many people know much about me, they automatically think I’m prep.” He said, talking quietly.
Cassie opened her mouth to say something but he walked the horse over to the barn and put her up and started walking to the house.
“Hey, where are you going?” She asked.
“To eat I’m starving.” He said
Figures. Cassie thought.
“Well, wait for me!” She said, and surprisingly enough, he slowed down and waited for her to catch up.
“You’re not as bad as I thought you’d be.” Cassie said.
“Um…thanks. Neither are you.” He said.
Suddenly, Cassie’s face got really red and she ran inside the house dashing upstairs to her room. Grabbing the phone she quickly dialed Tasha’s number.
Tasha’s mom answered. “Hello.” Her mom said. “Hello this is Cassie is Tasha home?” Cassie asked. “Sorry she is at her boyfriend’s house.” Her mom said. “Oh sorry to bother you then, may I ask who is her boyfriend?” Cassie inquired. “Oh some Kyle guy” She said. Cassie’s eyes got wide and she dropped the phone.








“Kyle…?”She said out loud, and at that precise moment Dylan came in her room.
“What about him?” Dylan asked. She just sat on her bed, and hung her head, a tear streaming down her face.
“Oh I guess you heard about Kyle and Tasha” He said quietly.
Cassie got up brushed past him and ran down the stairs to outside where her new horse was.
“I don’t know why, but I’m going to name you Miley.” She whispered, stroking the horses’ muzzle. Miley whinnied and tossed her head up and down. Cassie laughed. “You must be in a playful mood, huh?” She said. As if replying to her, Miley tossed her head up and down again. Giggling, she clipped a lead rope to Miley’s halter, and led her outside. She walked Miley over to the pasture and ran her around in a circle. Miley tossed her head up and down and looked out towards the rest of the field. “Sorry, girl, I can’t let into the pasture until we fix the fence.” Cassie said.
Dylan came up behind her and took the lead rope, he looked kind of mad. “You have to ask before you take her out!” He spat.
“But she’s mine!” she argued.
“So are you…” He said.
“What?” She said, confused. Dylan shook his head and led the horse into the barn. Cassie was ticked off. What did he mean by so are you? Could he have possibly meant to say you are mine? No. I doubt it. Cassie thought. She gathered her self up and went inside. Climbing up the stairs she heard the door open, it was Cody about to come up to his room. I certainly don’t want to see him in his bad mood. She thought, speeding up the stairs and going into her room. She lied in bed staring at the horse posters on her ceiling.
She heard her door open, but she did not look up to see who it was. “Look Cassie, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have blown up like that and yeah. I guess I’ll see you later.” Dylan said nervously. She was about to open her mouth to say something but thought better of it and let him go. What did he mean by so are you? That was all she could think about the rest of the day.







The next morning Cassie woke up to a rose at her feet. At first she didn’t notice it, but then she pulled herself up and saw the white rose at the end of the bed. What is that? She thought to herself. Cassie picked it up and examined it. There was a note attached and it was in a handwriting she did not recognize, and it said I love you. She figured it was just a gag from one of her friends. It must be Tasha trying to act like Kyle. That arse. She thought.
Dylan opened her door really fast and ran in.
“What’s that?” He said kind of fast.
“I don’t know.” She said.
Then Dylan turned around really fast and ran out the door. Cassie stood there and thought what was that? She ran down the stairs and outside to get to he horse. When she got there she saw Miley wasn’t in her stall. “Ruff Ruff.” Frisher barked.
_________________
"Every-thing's broken there's no way around
It's so hard to smile
When you bring me down."
-
Me.
  





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14 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 14
Mon Mar 26, 2007 2:52 pm
snap says...



Post more!!! It's really good!! It sounds like a seventh grader would talk.

Okay, now for the critiques.
In the first several sentences, you used "exclaimed" a lot, i would find another word for some
I noticed early on you toggled between past and present tense. At one point you said something like "he was in eight grade, which means..." pick a tense.
"pretty much screamed" I would say either "she screamed" or "nearly screamed"
You need to start a new paragraph every time someone else speaks, there was a big chunk where you didn't.
I noticed a lot of run on sentences and grammatical errors, just do a once over.

other than that, it was great!! Keep writing!!
The beautiful part of writing is that you don't have to get it right the first time, unlike, say, a brain surgeon.
~ Robert Cormier
  





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250 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1040
Reviews: 250
Sat Apr 14, 2007 6:55 pm
Night Mistress says...



It's pretty good. Please do continue it.

be careful and watch your tenses.
"I love you," she whispered in his ear, before taking his mouth with her own.

~Elizzabeth Grey of Addicting Posion
  





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5 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 5
Sat Apr 14, 2007 9:00 pm
arhez says...



it's good!! ...post more... i kinda got confuseed in the middle where you suddenly changed from past to present tense....other than that...im waiting for more!
To live without hope
is to cease to live.
  








The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. It's about what you're made of, not the circumstances.
— Unknown